jon frost hilariously recounts , try to sneak through red and green channels considerably more heavily laden .
john frost says he would n't trust a nun with a crutch ' -lrb- stock image -rrb- .
during his long career as a customs specialist at london airports , frost has had ` to politely listen to people lying through their teeth at you ' as they attempt to smuggle in snakes , bush meat -lrb- zebra , lion , gorilla -rrb- , combs that double as flick-knives , a monkey sewn into the lining of a coat , another monkey ` disguised as a hairy child ' .